The Older, More Experienced, Man.

1 Feb 2012 by Emily, 11 Comments »

Older people need loving too, right? Maybe I’m being immature then, because I read 68 year old Hugh.J’s profile (something tells me his real name isn’t Hugh.J) and felt a little ill.

About Me

I am in a loveless, sexless marriage, and that’s why I’m on here: I’ve had a few encounters in the last 6 years, and in each case we have chatted online and became friends first – and still are. I always want there to be something more than just the sex, important though that is.
It’s nice like that.
For me, there needs to be a meeting of minds, some intelligent (or silly!) conversation and shared interests. 
You too? 
I’m not into casual sex or one-night-stands: why do it just the once if it’s good?
I often like to cuddle up, naked and skin-on-skin for ages before even starting anything; and then it’s mainly caressing each others bodies gently all over. 
Sometimes deliberately avoiding the rude bits altogether (teasing is fun, too!).
Maybe it’s because I’m a patient, gentle, considerate and unselfish lover? 
I would certainly want to put your pleasure first, and would take plenty of time over relaxing you and caressing you – with lots of foreplay, of course.
To me, your pleasure and satisfaction are paramount.And when it comes to sex, all women (and some men) know that it starts in the mind long before it reaches the rude bits! 
For really good sex you need to be intellectually stimulated first – it’s not even about penetration, necessarily; some of the best sex need not involve penetration at all – it’s much more about clitoral and g-spot stimulation. 

A while ago I had a long weekend away with a lady, and she came 100+ times over the weekend – and most of that was by fingering! 
I’m NOT boasting, just establishing what I can do for you – and I know that I can give you enough orgasms to keep a smile on your face for ages!

So, if you have had several orgasms (maybe not 100!) before penetration, you will be really ready and we will climax together. 

I enjoy foreplay, yes, but also “after-play”: that magical time when we are relaxing down from our joint orgasms, hugging and kissing and gently caressing each other. 

I love oral, too, and want to refine my technique – on you? 

Mind you, that could take hours……

How many women actually want 100 orgasms and hours upon hours of oral sex? Maybe it sounds great initially, but I bet after a couple of hours you’d be pretty bored / needing the loo / fancying a snack / wanting to check Facebook.

First Date
We would go to a fairly quiet pub for a meal. Sitting in a quiet corner booth with some degree of seclusion we can relax, enjoy a quiet drink and see what we can get away with! 
After we have chatted a little, perhaps we could kiss whilst we are between courses, and I would casually check things under the table….. I soon discover that you were as good as your word and that loose skirt affords easy access to – no knickers! 
Bless you. 
I run my hand caressingly up and down your thighs whilst kissing you, so it looks as if that’s all I am doing; not too many people near, but the thrill of possible discovery is always there. 
Our tongues entwine as the kissing intensifies and my hand runs over your p*ssy. 
Wet already. 

You shift slightly to give me better access, and I rub up and down your outer lips, feeling the soft sweetness of you; shaved and smooth, thank you. 
Your fantastic p*ssy is SO inviting I just have to part your lips and feel the hidden treasures. 
So wet now, and creamy. I run two fingers up and down just inside your lips, and feel your early tremors just starting. Pausing at the top, I expose your cl*t which is so enlarged now, and ready for attention. You squeal with delight, but fortunately my tongue is still in your mouth and nobody hears! 
They might not have heard, but they might soon notice your squirming about like that…… 

Good job this table has a deep tablecloth hanging over the sides. I decide it would be too obvious for me to be pumping away at you like this and you writhing all over the place, so I pop under the table! 
I ask you to grip the sides of the table and look innocent as I dive under to give your clit some proper attention with my tongue. You open nice and wide for me and I start to lick you up and down, and suck your bud right into my mouth. I can feel it pulsing now, and you are building …. building….. 

Sucking harder and licking the very tip with my tongue, I thrust two fingers into your **** and start to rub on your g-spot. 
That does it! 
You can’t keep calm any longer because the waves of orgasm take over your whole body and you shake and squirm as I suck and thrust and rub – and you yell! 
No point disguising what is happening now, we just go for it, and you c*m in floods and scream the place down. 

I come out from under the table, to a round of applause, and we pick up our coats and leave quietly! 

Back in the car I hug you and kiss you as you relax down from such and orgasm. The thrill of doing it in public is still making you shake, so I drive us to somewhere quiet to hug and relax for a while until you recover and decide what you want to do to me.

No, I take it back. It wouldn’t matter if Hugh.J was 18 years old, this profile would still have the clank-factor. His poor wife.

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11 Comments

  1. John says:

    I was right. Sarah and I don’t need to post to dodgydating any more, because you get all the same material on mainstream dating sites as we do on casual dating sites. “Hugh.J” sounds awfully familiar, to the point where it’s scarcely worth pointing out anything in particular. Still, for form’s sake:
    – If he wants a “meeting of minds”, why does he go on about sex, especially the mechanical aspects, and nothing else?
    – Is he sure this is a pub and not one of those new gastro-porn theatres?
    – Does this notional woman actually hide “treasures” up there? I believe one can purchase safes or hire bank vaults; that might be more comfortable.
    – “A round of applause”. Yes, because that’s what we all want to see and hear when we go to the pub, isn’t it? A sixty-eight-year-old man clambering under the table to molest a woman he’s never met before.

    Somewhere out there is the ideal woman for “Hugh.J”. She’s probably called Sue E. Generis.

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  2. Dom says:

    Wow! Just….wow! I think Hugh. J. should deffo see someone about this built up sexual tension hes possessing. He seems to think that describing in great detail, his erotic fantasy, one that is so far removed from reality that he would have to physically drug the partner in a desperate hope to persuade them to partake in it, is a fantastic way of ‘picking up chicks’. Maybe one day when he is up in court for indecent exposure and sexual acts in a public place, he look back at this profile and think ‘hmm..maybe it should have just stayed as a fantasy’.

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  3. Tessie says:

    So *that*’s Hugh Jass!

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  4. sannasun says:

    I have two extremely important questions:

    What pub has a table cloth?

    My g spot definitely requires penetration. What horribly deformed women is he sleeping with?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  5. Tessie says:

    “Dear Penthouse, I always used to think these letters were made up…”

    Bitches Love Me. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  6. Tessie says:

    I’ll have what she’s having:

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  7. Anna Maysey says:

    At least he can spell and use grammar correctly. A vast improvement on “Ricky” whatshisface…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  8. Ket says:

    When did “I’m in a loveless marriage” become some kind of magical free pass for cheating? And if he’s looking for “something more than just the sex,” why not go ahead and get divorced so that he can look for it without being an adulterous slimeball? If I were to give him points for anything it would be for being very honest about what he’s looking for, although I agree with John, if he is truly also interested in more than sex, why is the majority of his profile nothing but graphic and disturbing erotica?

    Since it seems unlikely that any woman in her right mind would respond to a profile like that, I have to wonder if perhaps the profile itself is an end rather than a means. He obviously has exhibitionist fantasies, so maybe publicly posting his “erotic” fiction on a dating site is, to him, something akin to flashing unsuspecting profile browsers.

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  9. James says:

    HAHAHA thats the best thing I have ever read lol superb. I feel sorry for you women on these sites

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  10. FiletMignon says:

    I actually dry heaved before I got to the end of that.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

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