Clowning Around

6 Jun 2012 by Emily, 2 Comments »

Firstly, I have to apologise for the lack of updates recently. I’ve been on a fantastic holiday to New York and it meant I didn’t have a lot of time for dating sites and blogging. To be honest, I have no idea how you Americans aren’t all obese by now. The food you guys have is so awesome – I was pigging out three times a day at least and managed to put on half a stone in two weeks.

Anyway, chubbiness aside, the world of online dating awaits me and I can look forward to hearing from gentlemen such as Denis174 on a more regular basis. I accidentally clicked onto his profile first instead of his message only to find this:

Interests
HEARING U MOAN BENDING U OVER FUCKING U HARD AND FAST DOGGY STYLE OR NICE AN SLOW
WATCHING U LICK MY CUM

About Me
I KISSED IT THEN LICKED IT,THEN I PUT IT IN! UR CUMMIN ALREADY,I ASKED ,YES, SHE REPLIED! MMMMM HER CUM DRIPPED DOWN ALL OVER MY .ICK…
Here for Intimate Encounters/ lots of SEX.

HEARING U MOAN,BENDING U OVER,****ING U HARD AND FAST DOGGY STYLE OR NICE AN SLOW, WATCHING U LICK MY CUM!

First Date
SEX,SEX,and SEX

Oh Denis. Somewhere out there, I’m sure there’s a girl who wants to read about how you’d fuck her on the first date. However, said girl probably isn’t going to be that impressed with your erotica writing skills. I mean, you’ve got all the time in the world to write something on your profile that could impress a girl enough to get a message out of her, and out of all the sex-related fantasies you could have described, you went with ‘I licked it, I put it in, you come, your come drips onto my dick’. Tell me girls, is that getting you horny? ;)

Moving on to our odd conversation:

Denis174:
Hello I’m Denis,let’s become friends

Me:
Hahaha no.

Denis174:
No problem,enjoy your life,u beautiful woman.

Denis174:
Ur a Clown

Me:
Umm… OK? You can stop messaging me now.

Denis174:
Ok I will,they have commercials for the new ronald mc donalds I think that u would be perfect for the part!

Me:
Sure. Bye.

Denis174:
Y do u think that ur still on line looking for some one? Duh,fix ur brain then maybe u won’t be on line looking for some one,lol,ha ha ha no,u are far from all of that!

Me:
I’m on here because I write a blog about bad online dating profiles / messages and the weird people that use this site. You’re just butthurt because I wasn’t interested in talking to you. I wasn’t interested in talking to you because your profile is laughably terrible.

Denis174:
All ur good for is to be bent over,slapped in the face with a dick,then to get cum squeezed all in ur face! This is for that dumb response that u sent me the other day u idiot!

Me:
You’re so butthurt about getting rejected lmao

Denis174:
I’m far from angry,believe me,ur face is what’s funny,I’m not mad in any way that u didn’t wanna talk with me,I’m pretty much good in the Women department,its the way that u tried to belittle me,that is what dawned on me,if u would have just said no,then I would have just been like cool,however u went about it like an idiot,so I disrespect idiots! And I respect women!

Denis174:
I’m really not. U could never hurt me! I’ve had way better looking women in my life then u,I told u,its the way that u did urs,like I really wanted u like that,nah I just thought that u was attractive,but wen u opened ur mouth I seen other,

Me:
All my first reponse said was ‘Hahaha no.’ If that upsets you so much then perhaps you should talk to someone about how sensitive you are. If you don’t like being laughed at, maybe you should change your profile. That’s all.

Denis174:
YAY U waited 4 me babe,lol,u really look like a nice person and I don’t like to disrespect females,that’s on my profile 4 intimate encounters,u should see how many women love the dirty talk,I’m not sensitive,u were being sarcastic that’s the only reason that I came at u like that this morning ok. You are very attractive Charlotte and you’re probably a very nice person,if u would have just turned me down that would have been cool with me,I am a respectful Man,and I’m confident,therefore it didn’t bother me because u said no,it was the sarcasm. Let me start over, Good Morning Charlotte,you r beautiful!

Me:
I don’t think we’re a match but good luck on here.

Denis174:
U don’t no if we r a match or not because u never gave me a chance. However I don’t need luck,I’m good in the women department
I’m just on here for amusement purposes,X tra! I come on sites like this when I’m beat! Lol,4 real,but if u don’t think we’re a match,cool,but I bet u that if u talked with me for like a week,u wouldn’t think that way! Enjoy ur life,and I wish u the best in life. Oh and don’t judge a book by its cover.

Me:
No, I’m not on here for intimate encounters and I am not (and never will be) interested in a man who is. If you can’t handle being judged on your profile, messages and pictures then get off online dating sites because that’s what they’re all about. Stop messaging me now, as I’ve asked before.

Denis174:
Fuck u ****!!!!! Suck Dick an die ass hole!

Denis174:
Thought u was writing blogs u lying ass ****,ur a lonely ass ****,stop writing me u air head! I guess the saying is true blonds are air heads!

 

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2 Comments

  1. Tessie says:

    “OWWWW!!! Hey, is that a new brand of pepper spray you’re using? It really hurts!”

    Bitches Love Me. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  2. Tessie says:

    “I’m pretty much good in the Women department”

    Which is located in, um, Canada.

    “I’ve had way better looking women in my life then u”
    “u should see how many women love the dirty talk”

    And they’re ALL from Canada!

    Now please stick around for an hour and a half while I describe, in excruciatingly long-winded and vulgar detail, how UN-interested in you I am.

    Bitches Love Me. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

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