Nightclub Crazies

9 Jul 2012 by Emily, 5 Comments »

I was at a club in Birmingham last Saturday with a bunch of friends. There was a good atmosphere, we were pretty drunk, but the music there was so uncomfortably loud that I could barely hear anyone talking. So when one of my friends came up to me and shouted something about a guy who worked at the bar wanting to be introduced to me, I was slightly confused but went along with it.

We got to the bar, the guy didn’t even look up, so I figured I’d heard things wrong and ordered drinks off a different member of staff before leaving. As we were walking away, I got a pat on the shoulder and turned around to see bar guy standing there smiling. He was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t really hear anything and my friend was kinda stood their awkwardly on her own.

I finally managed to work out that he wanted me to text him so he had my number and just went along with it because I figured it would end the conversation I couldn’t really take part in whilst deafened. I sent him a ‘Hi’, and conveniently another member of staff came over to ask him something at that moment. I grabbed my friend’s hand, and led her onto the dancefloor thinking that’d be the end of it. Nope, sadly not. This is the conversation that followed:

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  1. Lorrie says:

    Can anybody translate this for me? I can’t find the “donkey to English” setting on Babelfish.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    • Emily says:

      Translation: I’m in a band so I think every girl I meet wants to kiss me straight away, so meet me on the balcony before 6 and I’ll let you have a go on my mouth.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  2. Tessie says:

    “If you don’t want me to message you, I won’t. This is me not messaging you. OK, bye. I’m going now. I’ll leave you alone now. OK, here I go. OK, this time I really, really, honest to God mean it…” etc. etc.

    Bitches Love Me. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  3. sam harrison says:

    Juuuust one kiss! you big bitch! give it to him!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  4. Arianna says:

    Hi Emily,

    My name is Arianna and I am writing from a TV production company called Rumpus Media.

    We are now producing a new series of shorts for Channel 4 online called ‘Bad Dates’, where comic actors lip sync and act out funny reconstructions of people’s bad dates experiences.

    At the moment we are still in pre-production, and are looking for people with funny bad date stories. The awkward bartender is quite a funny story, but I was wondering whether you have a worst date story that you’d like to tell us about.

    If you are interested, please send me an email at

    Looking forward to hear from you!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

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